No bacon cookies for you!

As I warm up for the Year of the Bastard, let me start with one bastardly act against all humankind:

I will make none of you bacon chocolate chip cookies this year. No. None for you.

Why am I so mean? Am I hoping you'll have bacon cereal stashed away that you can live off of? No, I will not provide you with this excellent holiday treat. You can't even have bacon and zucchini chocolate chip cookies.

It's just because I'm a bastard-in-training. I won't make you a single bacon-based food this year.

And by "this year" I mean "next year." Sorry for the confusion, I just can't wait for the Year of the Bastard to begin.