No bacon cookies for you!

As I warm up for the Year of the Bastard, let me start with one bastardly act against all humankind:

I will make none of you bacon chocolate chip cookies this year. No. None for you.

Why am I so mean? Am I hoping you'll have bacon cereal stashed away that you can live off of? No, I will not provide you with this excellent holiday treat. You can't even have bacon and zucchini chocolate chip cookies.

It's just because I'm a bastard-in-training. I won't make you a single bacon-based food this year.

And by "this year" I mean "next year." Sorry for the confusion, I just can't wait for the Year of the Bastard to begin.

2008: The Year of the Bastard

I am convinced that 2008 will be The Year of the Bastard.

And, just in case you were unclear on what this really means, I am The Bastard. This will be my year.

I will cut you off in traffic and delete all your one-of-a-kind pictures from your computer. I will eat your cookies when you're not looking and garnish your wages even though I have no reason to.

Behold my bastardness. It is exciting, yes?